To The Little Prince

               Saturday is my one year wedding anniversary. I have known Riq for four years, and we’ve been together a total of three and a half. He has changed my life, and me, in ways I never thought possible. I am beyond grateful for that. But this post isn’t about me gushing over my husband; this post is about why the rest of my life will be spent with this man.

               The other night we both had off, we spent it together watching Saw II. I also spent it Stumbling around the internet and came upon a tumblr page of nail polish pictures. It was full of amazing examples of nail polish, and I fell in love with one. Her nails were white, and burnt orange fingerprints on top. I decided I had to try it, so while we watched Saw I painted my nails, and they turned out AMAZING. They’re grey with purple prints. Then I decided to try something with my toe nails, but as I was taking the old polish off I realized the remover was ruining my finger nails. When Riq asked me why I gave up on my toes I told him, and you know what he did? He got the polish off for me.

               That’s only one reason. I used to be an artist. I could almost anything with my chalk pastels; I was pretty good with them. I used to draw, make pottery, and write books. More recently I’ve been doing photography. A lot of that fell by the wayside in college, and then when I was working full time at Whole Foods my entire life fell by the wayside. You know who that never sat well with? Since he met me Riq has been pushing me and doing anything possible to help me rekindle my artistry, to support my [nonexistent] photography business. Because of him our computer room is basically my art room, and it worked. I’ve been writing, drawing, and doing other little artistic things more these last few months than I had in years. If it wasn’t for him, I would have lost it, and that might have destroyed me.

               So I’ve given two reasons, but they’re not good reasons. You can’t base your entire life on someone doing nice things and someone pushing you to do what you love. Those don’t make a marriage, though they are good traits of them. The reason Riq and I are going to go the distance is because we’re stubborn and we’re honest.

               One of my favorite shows is Scrubs, and when I saw the episode My Bed Banter, & Beyond it entirely changed the way I viewed relationships and my outlook on disagreements. Below is the quote, I highly recommend you watch it:

               Dr. Cox says, “Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time - if it's right. And if they're real lucky one of them will say something.”

               We are stubborn, and we are honest. My husband and I will not let an argument go on for longer than an hour. We have never had something stay between us longer than that, ever. If we are upset the other person will know why, how, when, and what we plan to do or say about it within a few minutes of the occurrence, and then we work until it is resolved. Every. Single. Time. The only recurring fight we’ve ever had is entirely out of our hands, about the effects a certain 3^rd party has on our relationship. We do not back down, we do not make excuses, and we do not let the other person stay hurt. We are also brutally honest with each other. If I am thinking something, he knows it. If he’s being a jerk for some reason, I make sure he knows it. And vice versa, and then we work it out.

               “There's something about the look in your eyes/Something I noticed when the light was just right/It reminded me twice that I was alive/And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight” –Echo by Incubus

               When I met Riq I made the decision that he was worth fighting for, and when I married him I promised that I would fight for him for the rest of our lives. The crap we go through will not take us down, we won’t let it. It’s not me against him, it’s us against it, and it’s us against the world when it needs to be. He and I are in this together, and I remind myself of that every time we get in a fight, or one of us gets angry or hurt. He is my partner, and he is my best friend, and he is worth the fight.

So I fight. I will always fight, because he is worth it and because I love him more than myself. Because it’s no longer he and I, but because it’s us.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

in which there is no I or you
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand
so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close
-Pablo Neruda

The Little Prince