When I was growing up I always had a problem accepting myself. It could be the years of bullying and abuse I went through, which I’ve touched on in other posts, or just that it’s normal for everyone. It’s always been hard for me. I find a lot of pride in how well I know myself; of the seven intelligences my greatest one is intrapersonal, and trust me when I say that I know very deeply the things I dislike. The things I dislike about myself, I passionately dislike.
Lately I’ve been surrounded by very supportive people at the church I just started working with. I have never met a group of people who loved like they do. Any of my quirks, or hair coloring adventures, or even tattoos are met with “I love it!” when I’m so used to being told I need to change to work in the church. I’ve also fallen in love with the show Glee. I am extremely impressed with the show because of how they’re teaching kids that it’s ok to be who you are. Whether you’re gay, bigger boned, a jock, a minority, popular, or unpopular, it’s ok to be who you are and it’s something to be proud of. I love it.
Lots of those things I’d dealt with already, it’s the common growing point in high school. Being who you are, that is. I’ve dealt with things like my body image and my place on the food chain, I’ve dealt with them. That’s about all I can say. I’ve never been proud of them. I know who I am and for the most part I’ve accepted it. I’ll admit that some days I still have breakdowns because I don’t like something about myself. But, I’ve dealt with it.
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My husband and I have a habit of picking a show and watching it as a marathon until the end, even if it’s eight seasons long. The last few days we got hooked on RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you don’t know what it is boy are you missing out. It’s America’s Next Top Model for drag queens. Now, my husband and I’s first date was to a lesbian bar to see my cousins Christmas drag show, so seeing a drag show is close to our hearts. It was funny, touching, and inspirational.
Glee and the Drag Race has brought something new to my mind. Pride. Honestly I have never thought that I could be proud of who I am, the whole package. I’ve learned to deal with it. But the kids in Glee and the women on RuPaul’s Drag Race are proud of who they are. The girls on the Drag Race constantly amazed me on how proud they were of who they are. Gay, fabulous, and way more fashion conscious than me. They love who they are and were not afraid to show it off.
On the final episode, the reunion after the show, one of the girls revealed that he realized he wasn’t just a drag queen but that he was actually transgendered. He was a woman born in the wrong body. He started hormones and was in the beginning stages of making the switch to being an actual woman. He was confidant and he was beautiful. In my personal life I have a friend who is transgendered. She is an amazing person, far stronger than most people I know, and she will make an amazing man one day. I for one am proud to know her and proud of who she is and who he is becoming. It’s been a long and hard road for her, because much of the church and Christian community today are still in the dark ages and don’t understand the LGBTQ community, and it breaks my heart.
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These shows and these people have put me to shame. The adversity they have faced in their lives is more than I’m sure I’ve faced. The plus size drag queen was one of the best, and he was so proud of himself. Well what about me? My negative thoughts about myself seem so silly in comparison. These people have had to fight to be who they are, and are even still being denied their basic rights, but there they are, stunning the world on this show and showing off who they are.
My passion these days lies with the LGBTQ community, in showing them love and joining in the fight for their rights. I left the church I spent my entire life in to join the ELCA [Evangelical Lutheran Church of America] because they are gay affirming. I’ve been working to be part of the group Outlaw Preachers because they’re emergent Christians trying to bring the church up to date and away from hate. People like Khad Young and Jay Bakker are on my personal heroes list.
Here I am, working to be part of this community and help them, and here they are helping me. The person I am is worth being proud of. No matter how I look, how silly I feel, or how many friends I have, God made me as I am. It’s all about confidence. I am fabulous, and it’s about time I take pride in myself because, "if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" Thanks RuPaul, you’re a new hero of mine.
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